Upon returning from ten days off, I present my top ten list of questions and comments passed my way. My comments in italics.

10: How was your vacation?
Fan-fucking-tastic!

9: Did you miss us?
Umm. Yeah.

8: Where did you go?
To sleep!

7: Eric's not as good as you.
Duh!

6: I used your desk phone a lot while you were gone. Does that creep you out?
More than you can possibly imagine.

5: Vacation? No wonder we didn't run out of Diet Pepsi all last week!
Uh-huh.

4: Did you gain weight.
No. My face is puffy from the extra sleep.

3: What's the secret to light, flaky baking powder biscuits?
Don't over-work the dough.

2: How come you haven't responded to my email sent mere moments after you left on Friday of the week before last?
I'm wading through thirteen-hundred unread messages, newest to oldest. I'll see yours in about a week.

1: You were gone?
Sigh.